Gay Loneliness
By Andy Heath
In my extensive time spent in the Internet chat rooms over the years, I have consistently heard one complaint more than any other. I'm lonely. I feel so alone.
Loneliness is dreadful, and I have felt it at many times in my life. It can send us into a state of panic and can even make some people suicidal. Our loneliness is often the result of a feeling that no one understands us and that no one loves us. I'm going to try to address the issue of loneliness in this blog post and see if I can shed some light on the subject. There is good news and bad news.
The good news is that we do not have to be lonely all the time. Although there are those of us - especially gays - that suffer from chronic depression and need treatment to feel better, there are many of us that simply do not feel lonely all the time. We have friends and we laugh with them and go out with them and talk to them on the phone. We talk about our problems with them and we love them and they love us. Whether we are in a relationship or not, our friends can often save us from sanity. And if we do not have friends, we make them fairly easily. We meet people at work and we meet them when we go out or when we go to a club, party, or event. Eventually many of us run into someone that we date or have a significant relationship with. And that can be a good thing - or not. It depends on a lot of things. But the fact is, that we are not always lonely, and that is something that we can try to remember in those moments that we are lonely.
Now the bad news…
Loneliness is a part of life. Just like we will not be lonely all the time, neither can we be happy all the time. Sometimes we're just going to be lonely and feel like no one understands or loves us. In those moments, all we can really do is realize that we're not thinking rationally and simply experience that state of loneliness until it passes.
And here's another secret that many of us do no realize. Gays are not the only ones that get lonely. Straight people get lonely too. They want companionship every bit as much as we do and they have as much trouble getting it as we do from time to time.
It breaks my heart to see lonely people especially if they are very young or very old. I firmly believe that coming through that state of loneliness is largely a matter of choice, though if you feel you simply can't bear it, it might be time to seek professional help.
