Help for Those with HIV
By Andy Heath
Perhaps the most heart breaking tragedy that occurs in the lives of gay men in the Twenty-first Century is the development and pandemic of HIV. Our society in the United States has always attributed, and to some extent, blamed HIV on gay men. HIV is deadly, but not even as deadly as cancer and hepatitis. Yet, it has such a stigma associated with it that men with HIV often feel a great deal of shame and isolation because of the disease, even from their own gay community.
The fact is that there is help for men with HIV. There are support groups. There are loving people (though please skip the Christians on this) that will be kind and loving to you. There are those that will give you the love that you deserve.
Ahh, you have a problem with deserving love? You think because you got HIV from having sex, something that any and every reasonable adult has done, that you don't deserve love. That you deserve to live in shame and guilt and that you are a bad person. This is NOT TRUE!
You can get all the support you want, but the first and the most important support you must receive is from yourself. You must be willing to forgive yourself. You are NOT a bad person for having sex. You are NOT a bad person for getting caught up in the passion of sex and having it without protection. You are NOT a bad person for having contracted HIV, NOR are you a dirty, unlovable, terrible, or despicable person. You ARE a person of great value. You STILL have a contribution to make in the world. People DO LOVE you, even if you cannot see it. I know that is easy for me to say; as far as I know I do not have HIV. But it pains me, torments me, haunts me that gay men feel such pain, torment and haunting from having a disease that is no deadlier or more or less common than cancer, heart disease, or hypertension.
"But it's my fault! I did this to myself!" you say. There is an element of truth to that because HIV is something that humans acquire from some action. But remember, all you did was have sex. Or maybe you used a dirty needle. But you do NOT have to judge yourself NOR MUST YOU accept the judgments of others. Remember, people that smoke for thirty years often get lung cancer, and they gave themselves that lung cancer. People drink for thirty years and give themselves liver disease. People eat high fat, low fiber foods for thirty years and get essentially no meaningful exercise and then give themselves heart disease and strokes. And no matter what people want to say or how politically incorrect it is that I say this, those diseases are at least as much their fault, if not more so, as your HIV is your fault. Smoking and drinking for thirty years is highly risky and unintelligent behavior. Having sex is not. Having sex is a natural expression of love between consenting people. You are NOT a bad person for having done this. You are NOT a bad person. You ARE a GOOD person. And if anyone tells you otherwise, then you will know the low caliber person you're talking to.
I would love to see a cure or vaccine for HIV come into the world before I die, and I hope I live to see that day. I think that will be a day of rejoicing for gay men because then we will be a step closer to eradicating a disease that has not only made us suffer, but has given ammunition to those religious zealots that argue homosexuality is an abomination and that HIV is a punishment for gays.
If you have HIV, please know that there is at least one person in the world that will validate you. I will. I will stand with you because I know very well that it could be me. I know that I could get HIV, and I know how important it would be for me to be loving and accepting toward myself if I were ever to get it. I know that as a sexual active gay man, even practicing safe sex does not guarantee that I will never acquire the disease. And I know that I am a good person just like you are a good person, and I hope and pray that if I ever get HIV that I will be able to maintain my self esteem after the shock and grief wear off. So for this moment, I will affirm and esteem you if you have it. You are not alone, and you are NOT a bad person. God bless you.
