Is It Good for Gay Men to Make Friends with Straight Men?
By Andy Heath
Until recently, I had a great deal of disdain for straight men. I tended to view them as people that had made my life a living hell as a child, and - I hesitate to say, but it's true - I tended to view them as a bit inferior.
Nooooooooooooooo. I know, those of you that keep up with this blog are probably about to wet your pants that I would say anything so blatantly obvious. But the fact is that I have felt all my life that straight men, for the most part, have made life difficult for gay men because they are so disdainful of us and want to deny us our rights. I have had a tendency even to look down on members of my own family, but in all fairness my family has a tendency to look down on me as well. I still love them though.
But here's an interesting story. I went on Craig's List a few weeks ago and put an advertisement in the "Platonic" section, male for male, saying that I was a writer looking for other writers to be friends with. I also mentioned that I prefer making friends with gay men because I am gay and I just feel more comfortable with those that I have that in common with.
I got several responses to the ad, most of which never really went anywhere even after I met with them. But surprisingly, I got an email from a straight man that said he was a writer. He also mentioned directly in the email that he was straight but asked if I wouldn’t mind making an exception to talk to him.
Being the softy that I can be, I said yes, and "What can it hurt?" He works night shift at a motel and mentioned that it was always fine for me to come by while he was working, so I did one night. We spent several hours talking about writing and life and philosophy and anything you can imagine. And after it was over, I have to admit I was moved. I was actually meeting a man for the first time in a LONG time who was not going to have any aspect of sexual thought with me. He would not sit there and wonder if he could have sex with me. He would not spend as much energy as possible trying to shew me out the door because he wasn't sexually attracted to me either. In a way, it was a beautiful experience because there was NO element of sex involved in the meeting. Even priding myself on not being a terribly shallow person, I have to admit that this does not happen very often when I go to meet other gay men. Even when I meet gay men that are in relationships or gay men that are significantly older, or any other gay men for that matter, there always seems to be an element of sexual judgment involved.
If you had asked me six months ago if I would be open to quality acquaintances with straight me, I probably would have shrugged and said, "I don't know. Maybe." But now that I have met this gentleman and have surprisingly a lot in common with him, I have to say I have a newfound respect for gay men. I have to admit, I'm still a little nervous around straight men and am probably far more formal and distant around them than I would be around gay men even now, but I am honored that I could have such an experience with a straight man where we got together and just talked about our interests with nor ulterior motives involved. It was refreshing.
