Leave the Seat Up
By Andy Heath
I know, this is a gay themed blog, and you're probably wondering what in the name of God the name of this post has to do with homosexual issues of our day. The answer is NOTHING. I've decided to veer from the common theme of this blog today and discuss another of my favorite topics. Toilet seats.
Well, it's not really one of my favorite topics. But I do have a few very good ideas about them. You see, when I was a child, my mother taught me that when I go to the bathroom, that I should lift the sea before peeing (that was the first lesson I had to master) and then put the seat down afterward (the second lesson). Now I won't get into hand washing because that took even longer for me to master as a child, but putting the seat back down after I was finished was so ingrained into me that to this day I still generally do it.
Putting the seat down after peeing is a courtesy to women, and it's a good thing to do at home. But here is the interesting thing - men and women don't use the same bathrooms in public. As I write this, I'm at Starbucks sipping on a cup of coffee that is running through my system so fast that I find I have to get up and go to the bathroom practically every time I finish writing one of these articles.
When I go to the bathroom, I leave the seat up. Why? Because men need the seat up most of the time. Who wants to pee all over the toilet seat. But the fact is, even with good hand washing no one wants to touch the toilet seat. Many men, if upon walking into the bathroom find the toilet seat down, will simply leave it down and get a few drops all over it. Then eventually a man is going to go into the bathroom to have a bowel movement and see that there is pee all over the seat. In that situation, unless it's an emergency, he's probably just going to pass up the opportunity to defecate, and will wait until he gets home.
Let's explore a possible solution to this problem. Let's say Fred goes to the men's bathroom and then finds the seat UP. He's going to pee, and then he will wash his hands and leave the seat UP. Then he will leave. Next George goes in and he also finds the seat UP. Then he pees, washes his hands, and leaves. Next Steve goes into the bathroom, and he finds the seat UP. Steve actually needs to have a bowel movement so he puts the seat DOWN, and upon doing so is able to sit on a seat free of any urine spills. Steve has his bowel movement, wipes, and the puts the seat UP. After all, why leave it down since most men going to the bathroom simply pee and leave?
Isn't this so much more logical than the typical "put the seat down" mentality that women have taught us over the years? Even if we men cannot make this standard practice, we can at least practice it ourselves. When I go to a public men's room and find the seat down, I put it up before I pee and then I leave it up. I'm sure the men that follow, whether peeing or having a bowel movement, greatly appreciate that.
Incidentally, as I was going to the men's room at Starbucks a moment ago, a woman was coming out of the ladies' room. I have to admit I took a quick peek in the ladies' room as the door was closing (there was no one in there, of course) and I noticed that the toilet in the ladies' room is also adjustable. Now, I'm going to ask you a question, and if you want to think about it I suppose you have your whole life to do so before you answer - but I'm not aware of any reason that women have to ever lift the toilet seat, and I'm not aware that men ever use women's restrooms. So - why in the name of God is there a liftable toilet seat in the ladies' room at Starbucks, or anywhere for that matter?
