The Advantages of Being a Gay Parent
By Andy Heath
I've heard it so many times. "I don't think gays should be near a child." In fact, I heard through the grapevine that one of our stupid state senators said that about gays in my own beloved state of Tennessee. If you think it's unfair for me to say that, try reading some of the fluff they write in the newspapers and listening to some of the things they say during their reelection campaigns. If you are not able to see that what they're specifically saying is just moronic, then pay attention to their inferior grammar.
"Oh Andy, you're awfully mad at the senators. What did they do to you?" Good question - I'll tell you. The fact is that our stupid state senators, some of the lowest quality human beings to crawl the earth, seem to do whatever they can think of to make gays' lives in this state as miserable as possible. Now, I won't even go into the fact that these same senators and representatives introduced and succeeded in passing a Constitutional amendment that yields marriage in the state of Tennessee will be between one man and one woman - or that they successfully passed this amendment with 80% of the vote. When I think about the uneducated citizens of this beloved state, I just want to cry for them. I view them with pity, but I view the leaders with disgust and contempt.
One reason I become so angry with them is that it seems every year they try to pass legislation that denies gays the right to adopt children. They argue that gays are unfit parents.
As a side note, it's rather reprehensible that state leaders would use mechanisms of political posturing to further their campaigns at the expense of children in need of loving homes, which are in short supply and great demand in Tennessee. It is sad - very sad - that these leaders use arguments even from the Christian Bible to support their views that gays should not be caregivers to children. These leaders might say they believe we're pedophiles, or worse in their minds, that we will somehow recruit these children to also be gay.
I have found it nearly impossible over the years to argue with statements that have no basis in logic. If someone says, "The sky is green," how do you refute that? All I can really say is, "No, the sky is blue." But what other argument can you come up with to prove that? So when our state's leaders come to the public with such ridiculous arguments as the ones described above, all we can really say is, "No, that's just not true." But it's no secret that in Tennessee we have a high percentage of citizens that have no meaningful education and, therefore, are easily swayed by such ludicrous arguments.
So the purpose of this post, in an effort to use a substantive argument to refute the ridiculous ones that say we gays should not be parents, is to prove that gays actually have distinct advantages to being good parents.
Gays are often good parents because we understand what it is to not be accepted. We grew up gay in a straight society, and we have all seen the bitter, ugly side of discrimination. Some of us have been kicked out of the house as teenagers simply because someone at school called us a fag. That said, we are going to be so much more supportive of our children when they inevitably run across cruelty in their schools for reasons other than homosexuality. Let's face it. Children are mean, and they learn to be mean from their parents. So when a bully walks up to a child that wears glasses so he can read his assignments and calls him "four eyes" or whatever stupid phrase bullies use these days, a gay parent is going to a) be more sensitive to the pain that child is going through, and b) more easily and compellingly explain, in language the child can comprehend, that such terms abuse is meaningless in the eyes of God and when taken into consideration with that child's great worth as a human being. The secondary benefit of gays' understanding of children's pain is that when the child grows up, he or she will be a better parent for having had such great gay parents. But then, the fact that these children will be such great parents probably scares homophobic people quite a bit because they feel like they should be the only good parents.
Gay parents are also well equipped to take care of children because we are at least as loving people as straight people. We give love freely, and we give it because we understand what it is to have love denied to us. When we were children, we suffered, so we know how to help the children we raise understand their great worth, even if we cannot cause them to avoid that suffering.
I hope that as time goes on, Christians and other homophobic people will come to accept us more as the good parents that we can be. I believe that within the next fifty years - probably shortly after I am dead - that society will view homophobia the same way it views racism - as an archaic and unintelligent school of thought. I wish I could live to see that day, but I do believe that it is coming.
Gays are good parents. We have the natural ability to care for children, just like straight people. I hope that eventually, in my beloved state of Tennessee, that our leaders will suspend their need to be reelected at all cost and begin to show courage and stand up for the things that are truly right. We Tennesseans deserve higher quality leaders; fortunately, as I have said, I believe that day is coming.
