The Ugly Side of Workplace Discrimination against Gays and Lesbians
By Andy Heath
For those of you that think that gays and lesbians do not experience the ugly effects of discrimination in the workplace, let me see if I can dispel that your theory. Because I believe that everyone should be willing to accept accountability for their actions, negative or positive, I have chosen to use the real names of companies in this post, so beware.
Let's start with our believed HCA - the brainchild of Bill Frist, conservative senator and doctor from my own beloved state of Tennessee. I had the opportunity to work in a temporary position with HCA's accounts payable department at Maryland Farms in Brentwood, Tennessee, where discrimination against gays and lesbians was as blatant as it was hideous. It was so hideous and blatant, in fact, that even I was surprised at how obsessed the clerks there were with the concept of homosexuality.
There was one particular incident there where several of the clerks were standing around my cubicle (although I was not involved in the discussion) gossiping about one of their coworkers who they thought was gay. This particular man had a girlfriend at the time, and for what it's worth he did not strike me as being gay, though we never know. But I will never forget just how mean those clerks' tones of voice and their comments seemed as they cackled around the cubicle about how "gay acting" this particular employee was. There were even managers within earshot who opted against putting a stop to this abuse.
Now shame on me as well - you'll notice I did not say anything. I hope at this point in my life, several years after this incident occurred, that I would say something. I believe the best way to fight such mean spirited behavior is to introduce an element of shame to their hearts. If I had it to do over, I hope I would have said something like this:
"Excuse me. I respect everyone's right to have his or her own opinions and discuss them freely; however, I don't believe this is the appropriate place for you to have this discussion because my coworkers' sexual orientations and sexual practices are neither my business nor of concern to me. If you feel that his sexual orientation is your business, however, I would appreciate it if you would go into the break room and discuss this matter so I will not be able to hear it and can therefore focus on my work. Incidentally, if you have questions about his sexual orientation and if you really do feel that you have a right to this information, you would probably be better off to simply ask him rather than speculating among yourselves."
Now, after their eyes got really wide, and their faces got really red, I'm not entirely sure what would have happened. Knowing this particular low quality group of people, I would not have been at all surprised had they engaged in some element of violence with me. And I WOULD have been surprised had I been allowed to return to work the next day.
One company that greatly surprised me, because it is also a highly conservative company, was American General Life and Accident Insurance Company, whose main office is also located in Brentwood, Tennessee. I worked for American General for a year - actually during the year in which American International Group acquired them. I have to say that at American General I worked with some wonderful and accepting people. Even though I was not officially "out" at work at that time, my coworkers were all quite accepting of the fact that I had a "friend" with whom I lived. They were very kind to me. One particular incident of this kindness was when one of the employees in charge of writing the employee newsletter asked to do a profile of me and told me she thought it would be fine to include the fact that I lived with my boyfriend. Just as discrimination is so hurtful to me, I have to admit I am often moved by the people that are accepting of me.
Now there was another department located right next to mine whose views of homosexuality were on a much lower cerebral level. At a time when AIG was considering granting benefits to same sex couples, the clerks in this other department frequently went off on tirades about how horrible it was. "If these gay people can get benefits, why can't unmarried people in 'normal' relationships also get benefits from the company?" I heard one of them ask one day. Incidentally, my answer to that is that the unmarried "normal people" as she called them have the legal right to get married and we gays do not yet in the vast majority of the United States. But I remember my boss coming over to me and saying, "Andy, can you believe they're talking like that?" She said this laughing, shaking her head to indicate that she thought their opinions were just silly. I always appreciated my boss saying that to me and I always appreciated my coworkers accepting me for who I am.
Acceptance in the workplace is something that straight people often take for granted. I'm sure many straight people would find it ridiculous that I would be so moved on the occasions that I do feel accepted by my peers, and they might even feel I am a bit silly to be so hurt on the occasions that I felt the cruelty of discrimination at work. My response to those "non-understanding" straight people is, "No one would expect you to understand." The straight people I have met in my life that I feel really did understand what it really meant and how wonderful it really feels to be accepted were often themselves minorities that had also experienced the cruelty of discrimination in their own lives.
I believe that a day is coming when our society will view homophobia in much the same way it views racism - with contempt. I hope that day is not far off because we gays are fighting a long, hard, and tiring battle to be accepted in our places of employment.
